I’m reporting on the first batch of responses to the Body Project Poll questions.
Many of those who responded to the first set of questions reported a family member who said cruel things about their bodies. Parents and spouses especially have the ability to be cutting. I think they don’t know how much hurt they are causing nor how long the sting will last from their casually cruel remarks. We can’t go back in time and take the words back, but we can be more caring going forward. Please be careful about how you speak about others’ bodies. ANY bodies. Your body.
Frequently I discover that a person who has issues with their body has a child who is also struggling. This is not a surprise. After all, our kids live in the same world we do and are subject to many of the same influences (sometimes even more influences) about appearance and body. They are still figuring out how to filter unwanted information. (For that matter, so am I.)
Additionally, they see and hear how we regard our own bodies. From Sarah Koppelkam’s piece in Huffpost entitled How to Talk to Your Daughter About Her Body:
How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one:
Don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.
If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
“You look so healthy!” is a great one.
Or how about, “You’re looking so strong.”
“I can see how happy you are — you’re glowing.”
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.”
———————————————
Don’t expect your child —who likely resembles you, for whom you are the most important and maybe the most beautiful person in the world—to not take it personally when you make derogatory remarks about yourself. One more reason to be kind and not criticize your own body.
Please don’t say anything about yourself you wouldn’t want told to your child.
– Matt Kahn
Such good advice! So what does acceptance look like? I’m not asking you to give up on yourself. Perhaps you could hold acceptance alongside the possibility of change. Love yourself no matter what, and remain open to change if you need or want it.
If you would like to participate in the Body Project Poll, Check out the current set of questions HERE: drkellyrees.com/body-project
Also:
Kaitlin Shetler Poetry
Shared with Permission
when i first heard the term
thunder thighs
and i wondered how to become
the type of woman
strong enough
to hold thunder
in her very legs
the type of woman
loud enough
to make thunder
when she walks
a storm bringer
drowning out words that
call attention
to thighs and not souls
that call attention to guys
and enable trolls
i wondered how to get
legs of thunder
and if i could get a
tongue of lightning
to go alongside
if i could really
shake institutions
with each step i took
and make a reputation
from all the foundations
i shook
my body
rapidly
expanding
to take up the space
i was told i could never have
clapping thunder
into the atmosphere
and the faces of those
hellbent on my silence and
fear
hear me and my thighs
they are more powerful
than the men
who name them
they are more beautiful
than the world
that hides them
and i was ten
when i first heard how women
are hated
how their bodies berated
and their ideas negated
and i was eleven when
men first made me
wary
and thirteen when
they taught me
storms were too scary
but i’m now
thirty plus four
and my thighs keep growing
asking for more
they’re clapping
and shaking
and making a scene
a bringing a storm
and washing things
clean
You can read all the responses to the first two polls here:
And here:
Others Comments and My Perceptions
The next topic is Fear of Fat.
Click on the link to access the poll. The invitation is to write as much or as little as you like. Your shares are anonymous. I will compile and share the responses in roughly a month right here. Thank You in advance for sharing.