Blog

I’m reporting on the first batch of responses to the Body Project Poll questions. Many of those who responded to the first set of questions reported a family member who said cruel things about their bodies. Parents and spouses especially have the ability to be cutting. I think they don’t know how much hurt they are causing nor how long ...

Expectations and Responsibilities Expectations shape our whole lives.  Our families, schools, religions and cultures imbue us with expectations, both explicit and implicit. We ingest these expectations consciously and unconsciously, we push them on each other intentionally and unintentionally. In search of belonging, we willingly and unwillingly conform to expectations that are relentlessly imposed.  They’re everywhere.  Since the Supreme Court overturned ...

Intimacy, Intimate Connection, and Sex I’ve noticed that many people equate intimacy and sex. They might say; “the last time we were intimate” referring to the last time they had a sexual encounter.  Here’s the thing: sex isn’t necessarily intimate. You may have had sex that is the furthest thing from intimacy. You may also have had an intimate connection ...

Strange days, these. Don’t underestimate the stress we are living with. Some days are easier than others and my ability to manage it comes in waves. A bad day begins with a feeling of uneasiness. Maybe nothing “happens” but the accumulation of annoying adjustments. The grocery store is out of toilet paper again,  people aren’t wearing masks correctly, our country ...

Recently I was speaking with a friend who suffered a traumatic loss several years ago. Their loss was still fresh in their mind and heart. The weight of tragedy has only slightly diminished over time, and they struggle daily to maintain, be present for their family, do their job, have a social life. I was reminded of people attending the ...

“As I was turning down a man's advances today I realized I was trying to be nice about it... even after he hugged me without asking, bugged me for my phone number, and I had already said a few days ago that I wasn't interested in going on a date with him. So why was I trying to be nice? ...

Pleasure. While it’s not the point of life, it certainly makes me want to stick around longer. We have at least five physical senses and they are conduits to pleasure. I may have asked you if you consciously choose music you listen to, if you compose your meal to include delicious flavors and balanced colors, if you wear clothes that ...

Sex is like food. How are you feeding yourself? I love potato chips. I also love doughnuts and ice cream and I rarely eat them. Okay, a handful of chips with something else, a tablespoon of ice cream standing in front of the sink. A doughnut (or two) is an excellent gorge. My indulgence is self-limiting because I pay attention ...

Lately I’ve been thinking about love. As I move toward divorce I still have a strong connection to my partner. I’ve been peering deeply into this. Deeper than hurt and resentment, deeper than contempt which surely kills a relationship. (http://www.gottmanblog.com/four-horsemen/) As the other artifacts fall away something essential remains. What do I mean when I say I love you? I’m ...

Do you avoid thinking of those whom you have lost either to death, to moving away, or by breaking off a relationship? If someone nearby begins to cry or expresses sorrow do you quietly panic and get away as fast as possible? Do you attempt to stop them? Do feelings of sadness and loss arise in moments of joy or ...

Is it possible to have fantasy enrich your sex life? Detract from it? Replace it? Looking into the content of our fantasies, we can learn about our needs and motivations. Do you fantasize about things you actually do, things you want to do, or things you would never do? Understand that your fantasies have a life of their own; for ...

I’m at the Rack on Sunday afternoon, wandering through the last-chance discounted lingerie. I’m pawing, looking for nothing in particular. Well, maybe a new sports bra. My menopausal body is shapeshifting, and not in helpful ways. I pause by the Shapewear. (From Wikipedia: Shapewear is an undergarment designed to temporarily alter the wearer’s body shape, to achieve a more fashionable ...